Incoherently Yours

                Rory was born at 30 weeks, 4 days.                 Today I am 30 weeks, 4 days into my second pregnancy.                 Today is just a confusing, sad day for me. Of course I’m thrilled we made it this far. No duh. I guess my thoughts are just full of Rory today. I’m glad Tater isn’t coming right now. I’m glad it seems like I will go much further in this pregnancy.                 But at the same time my heart is aching, wondering why this baby gets to stay inside where it’s safe… and Rory didn’t.                 Today is just a bad day. It’s dragging on and on. Just like this week has. It’s like time decided to stand still the moment I turned 30 weeks. It doesn’t help that every day I wonder, “Is this the day?” I could be doing this for ten weeks. I’m driving myself crazy. Every twinge and pang I’m like, “WHAT WAS THAT? Did that hurt? Did I feel that with Rory?” And then, when I’m in the right frame of mind, I giggle at my craziness and move on. On days

Dearest Tater,                 Well my little belly-dweller, we have made it past the 30 week mark. I don’t know about you, but for me this pregnancy has both crawled and whizzed by. Some days it feels like I’ve been pregnant forever, and when we were having complications it felt like we would never get to the safety zone. Other days I can’t believe that we are almost at the point when your big sister was born. As in, this weekend. Which I will be spending with my legs crossed. So don’t get any ideas.                 We’ve been through a lot, you and I. From morning sickness, to hernia heartburn flare ups that landed us in the ER, to unexplained bleeds and cramps, to riding in an ambulance for an emergency ultrasound, to gallbladder attacks – it’s been a crazy pregnancy. Yet through it all, you’ve stayed cool. I guess my womb (or… y’know, the half of it that you get. Sorry about that.) is a pretty sheltered place because you took everything in stride. Your heartbeat was always

I can’t believe it’s been two months since I last posted. It hasn’t been because I haven’t had anything to say. That really happens. Maybe it’s because I’ve had too much to say? I guess I shall make this a meandering recap post. Exciting, no?                 To follow up on the last post about Vital Statistics, they did eventually get back to me. With a big fat no. Apparently, they sympathize with me but cannot release a birth certificate without a big ol’ HEY YOU YOUR BABY IS DEAD watermark on it. To compensate, they sent a live birth certificate with a “discreet” red DECEASED stamp on the bottom. I think perhaps they need to look up the word discreet. Red and bold is probably not some of the adjectives used to describe it.                 I am undecided what to do. I’ve never petitioned against the government before. I don’t really know where to start, and if that’s really a can of worms I should be opening at present. It seems ridiculous that I would have to fight with Vital