Just Too Sad
I remember when my doctor prescribed me anti-depressants and told me, “You are just too sad.” I remember thinking he was absolutely crazy. My daughter had died six weeks ago. I told him I didn’t want to be happy. He told me everyone wants to be happy. I love my doctor. He is an amazing man and practitioner. But I did not want to be happy. I did not want to find my way through losing Rory. I wanted the world to end, I wanted everything to stop. The loss of a child is too terrible to endure, too horrible of a reality to accept. I didn’t want to grow stronger, I didn’t want to fight. I wanted the universe explode, agreeing the loss of Rory to be impossible and send us all to the place we could be together with no more tears, no more sadness, and no more loss. But it didn’t. I had to rummage through the hospital’s closet to find an outfit for Rory to be buried in. I had to walk out of the hospital, clutching a ragged old stuffed cow, climb into a vehicle, and go home without my litt