Dear 2011

Dear 2011,

As with everything these days, I have mixed emotions about you. Perhaps my New Years Resolution should be to try and feel only one emotion at a time – but I think I’ll just stick with “surviving”, as that’s taking up all of my energy and then some.

You were a year of excitement and newness. After 2 ½ years of waiting, with extensive doctor/specialist appointments, medication and drugs, I got pregnant. Finally, Sheldon and I were expecting our own little bundle of joy.

You were the year I gave birth to my daughter in an ambulance. You were the year Sheldon and I got to name our baby Rory Rose. You were the year I became an NICU mommy. You were the year I held my baby in my arms, skin to skin, and heart to heart. You were the year of hopes and dreams, of fear and faith. You were the year of devastation and despair. You were a year of grief, mourning, sadness, and strength. You were the year my baby daughter was born. You were the year she died.

You, 2011, were the worst year of my life. You were full of pain, heartache, and sorrow. You dashed dreams, you crushed hope, you banished happiness and you destroyed my life.

And you, 2011, were the best year of my life. You were full of happiness, joy, and anticipation. You were full of hope and dreams fulfilled by Rory. You were the year I found out what a mother’s love truly feels like. You were the year my faith was tested, tried, shaken, and strengthened. You were the year I began to learn what it means to go on, to put one foot in front of the other, to take that next breath, and to find the strength to rebuild what was destroyed.

I am so ready to be done with you, 2011. There is a fragile, uncertain hope in the start of a new year. I already know 2012 will be a year of grieving and sadness and loss. Because losing a child is not something you ever get over. But I want to see the hope and happiness a new year has the potential to bring.

So here’s to you, 2012. I hope you bring good things with you… and if you do… I hope those good things come to stay.


  1. Love to you and Sheldon. Blessings... :)


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