Rants and Recaps

I can’t believe it’s been two months since I last posted. It hasn’t been because I haven’t had anything to say. That really happens. Maybe it’s because I’ve had too much to say? I guess I shall make this a meandering recap post. Exciting, no?

                To follow up on the last post about Vital Statistics, they did eventually get back to me. With a big fat no. Apparently, they sympathize with me but cannot release a birth certificate without a big ol’ HEY YOU YOUR BABY IS DEAD watermark on it. To compensate, they sent a live birth certificate with a “discreet” red DECEASED stamp on the bottom. I think perhaps they need to look up the word discreet. Red and bold is probably not some of the adjectives used to describe it.

                I am undecided what to do. I’ve never petitioned against the government before. I don’t really know where to start, and if that’s really a can of worms I should be opening at present. It seems ridiculous that I would have to fight with Vital Statistics to prove the validity of my daughter’s birth.

                Well… maybe not that ridiculous. In all honesty, sometimes it feels like I always have to validate Rory. As a healthy baby who got sick, as a live birth – not a miscarriage or still birth -  as my first child, as my baby. Sometimes as people try to express their excitement over Tater they accidently (it better be accidental anyways) devalue Rory. As if Tater is my first baby. As if Tater is somehow more “meant to be” than Rory was because Tater was conceived naturally. As if I’ve never been a mother before. As if this is Sheldon’s first experience to be a father.

                As if, somehow, someway, because we conceived Rory through fertility treatment, because she was born and died before 34 weeks and still classified as a “fetus”, because she got sick and died after only 18 days old – she doesn’t count.

                She counts. She is our first child. She was born. She recognized her mommy and daddy. She held our fingers. She sucked on a soother. She had her diapers changed. She cried when she was hungry. She was bathed by her mommy. She was held and snuggled. She was wrapped up in blankets. She was read to. She was sung to.

                Sounds like a normal baby, doesn’t it? That’s because she was.

                The government may not agree. Even the healthcare system may not agree. When I was in the hospital with gallstones, a nurse came up to me and asked, “So this is your first pregnancy? Besides the abortion?”

                I nearly died.

                “I did NOT have an abortion.” I said, horrified.

                Why, why, why would they think I had an abortion? Well, I’ll tell you. On your medical chart, there are numbers indicating the number of pregnancies you have had. Below that number is another number indicating the number of live births you have had. So for someone who has three kids, and suffered two miscarriages, their first number would be 5 (all the pregnancies) and the second number would be 3 (live children).

                Well I got a nasty little surprise when I found out they do not count a child as “live” if the child was born, and then passed away, before 34 weeks gestation is reached. So because Rory was born at 30 ½ weeks and then died 18 days later, she did not reach 34 weeks. So as of this moment, my numbers are 2 and 0.


                And people wonder why I have a complex and feel the constant need to remind people that RORY COUNTS.

                Ahem. I think I’m done with that. For now.

                In other news… Porky had surgery for a herniated disk. His back end was completely paralyzed, but he is fully recuperated now. YAY.

                My horses had their babies. Eleanor had Gabriel, and Lizzie had Charlie. Charlie was born with glaucoma and actually is having surgery to get his eyes removed today. He is a feisty little guy and gets along really well. You can hardly tell he is blind. P.S. What happened to Charlie is only a 1% chance. Very rare. A “fluke” if you will.

                I have gallstones and have to get my gallbladder removed once baby is born. I had a massive attack a couple months ago, and ended up with pancreatitis. I haven’t had another attack since – YAY! The no/low fat/no fun diet seems to be working…. Yay…

                We went to Calgary and B.C. a couple weeks ago. The penguins at the zoo are so super cute. And spending a few days in a mansion in Fairmont with a pool in the back yard didn’t suck either! Of course… having our GPS take us 100 km out of our way DID suck, but whatever.

                Tater is doing good. Despite having been abandoned by BOTH of my doctors at the SAME time (one is on holidays, one had a family emergency – the nerve of some people.) Another doctor at the specialist clinic is looking after me and my other doctor is getting back on the 20th. So, even though it threw me for a loop and a half, I guess it’s fine. And by fine I mean not fine at all, but unfortunately I have no control over the situation, so… it’s fine.

                And may I just say – Tater looks super cute in the ultrasound pictures.

                So! Recap over. Now maybe I’ll update more than once every two months.



  1. I did not know that they do not consider a baby that is born alive but dies before 34 weeks gestational age is considered a FETUS. How does that make ANY sense? So if a baby was born at 28 weeks and lived to 33 weeks, even though it was over a month, they are not considered a person by vital statistics? Or doctors? That seems totally insane.
    And why the heck did that nurse assume abortion? And not miscarriage? Or still birth even? Seems weird. Or insensitive. Probably both. Weird nurses.

  2. Oh my Katie <3 I will help you take on the government if you would like. We're good like that :D Rory was a beautiful girl with a feisty personality. We will never EVER forget her. She took her mommy by surprise when she was born...and the rest of us too. I think she would have kept you two on your toes. Now Tater is coming and is going to hear all about your little Rory. Tater will ask to hear stories and want to know about his/her big sister. You will be able to show Tater her stuff and maybe one day you'll even let Tater play with some of her things. Tater will know about his/her sister Rory and how your family will be complete again in heaven. I bet Tater will even draw you pictures with Rory in it. When he gets a little older, he'll even help with making cupcakes for Rory's birthday. <3 We love your little family of four!


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