One Month Old!

Dearest Kadon,

One month old. You, my little big boy, are one month old. You are growing little mister. You are thriving.

6 lbs 1 ¾ oz. You’ve left your birth weight of 5 lb in the dust. You’ve even outgrown one of your sleepers. And you are wearing some 0-3 month old stuff. And you (kinda) fit into a pair of JEANS. You are so cute I could just eat you up.

You’ve had a busy month. After an 18 day stay in the NICU you got to spend lots of time with your Auntie Leanne and your cousins Parker and Cameron. They would all take turns holding you and snuggling you and covering you with kisses. Those snuggles will have to last until we see them again in November.

You attended your big sister’s birthday party. What a bittersweet day that was. I didn’t want it to be a sad, boohooing day, but a day celebrating that your big sister was here – even if it was only for a little while.

I love having you at home. Taking you home was amazing. Walking out of the hospital, holding on to more than just a falling apart stuffed cow for comfort… what a different feeling than last time. Your big sister spent 18 days in the NICU too. But we never got to take her home. I wish she was here now. I wish she was smooching on you, and giving me heart attacks by goofing off around you and bonking you with toys. You will always know all about her though. She is a part of our family. I wish it could be complete, but I guess we just have to wait until Heaven for that.

But in the meantime, little man, you have made life worth living again. I thought I was doing a pretty good job of smiling and laughing and being happy-ish… but it turns out, I don’t think I was fooling anyone. People are saying I look happy for the first time in a long time. That I’m beaming.

You do make me happy, Kadon. You make me so happy that sometimes it makes me so sad. I know that may not make too much sense, but you see, losing your big sister was so devastating that it truly felt like I should never be happy again. But breathing in your sweet baby smell, and nuzzling your soft baby skin, I feel a calming, soothing balm gently easing the ache from my heart. You are a miracle. A gift. As much as God took Rory away, He also gave me you. As much as you soothe my heart, I know the ache will never truly go completely away. But I am thankful for you and the healing you are bringing. Even when it feels so, so bittersweet.

Love you, Kadon. Happy one month!


Love, Mama


  1. :) i love your love letters to your kiddies. happy one month kadon!!


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