Wistful - having or showing a feeling of vague or regretful longing. synonyms nostalgic, yearning, longing; plaintive, regretful, rueful, melancholy, mournful, elegiac; pensive, reflective, contemplative

My sister asked me which day was harder for me – the day Rory was born or the day she died. Honestly, her birthday is harder for me. Yes, today marks the anniversary of the day she died. But her birthday – her birthday is the very reminder that she should still be here.

                I’m not overly emotional today. I feel more wistful. This day is the reminder of how time goes on. We lost her three years ago. Three years.

                My children have a penchant for sharing important days. Rory was born on her great grandmothers birthday. Kadon was born on a second cousins birthday. Eli was due on Rory’s birthday, and born on Kadon’s.

                Rory died the same day a special little boy died years before her.

                He was meant to be my ring bearer at my wedding, but passed away weeks before. He was four and his name is Ethan.

                Perhaps the hardest part of this day is the horrific reminder of how broken our world is – how precious little people like Rory and Ethan can be taken from us.

                I’m thinking about them today… and I am so grateful for my belief in Heaven. This life isn’t the end. I will hold them again.